Feel
by WhatTheFangirl
Summary: Angels aren't supposed to feel emotions. Nor are they supposed to think for themselves. But one man and his brother changed that. Implied Destiel  Dean/Cas .
1. Lazarus Rising

**Hey, so this is my first Supernatural story. It's going to be Castiel's point of view on everything that's happened since the beginning of season 4 when he was first introduced to when he "dies" as well as when he comes back (I presume) in future episodes. It has implied Destiel moments like his feelings towards Dean and stuff but no smut since it's following the show (unless they somehow become canon hurhurhur). Each chapter is representative of one or more episodes.**

**I don't own Supernatural or the characters or anything, but if I did there would be a lot more slash other than eye sex hehehe…**

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><p>When I was first assigned to raise a human from hell, I did as I was told. I played the good little soldier I was meant to be. Still, I wondered how special this human had to be to earn rescue from perdition. Nowadays, it's not a question.<p>

Once the job was done, I left, but not for long. My curiosity got the best of me. I watched as the human, whom I was told was named Dean Winchester, pulled himself out of the ground and wandered confused down the closest road, looking for some form of civilization. When he made it to an abandoned gas station to find supplies, I attempted to make contact with him. I thought he might be special and able to hear me in my true form. Sadly all I did was cause a high-pitched whining noise, shatter the glass of the station and make him even more confused and scared.

I was disappointed that he couldn't understand me, but I was not discouraged. Still I left, allowed him to rejoin his family, but now I regret not trying to contact them successfully before the psychic Pamela saw my true form and was permanently blinded. In my defense, I did warn her, but she wouldn't listen and paid the consequences. I didn't try to contact him again until a while after, knowing that if I did, Dean and his brother would surely attack me before hearing what I had to say. I wasn't supposed to contact him on my own, but I suppose that's the first time I went against what I was told: the beginning of my rebellion.

I tried to talk to him again when he was alone in the motel. Attempting to do so in a room with mirrors on the ceiling was a bad idea on my part, but I had to know. Once again it failed, leaving Dean injured and more spooked than he already was.

By the time they tried to summon me, I had finally acquired a human vessel, so that I wouldn't blind Dean as I did Pamela and the demons the Winchesters had spoken to earlier. My grace still took out a few of the lights in the barn Dean and his friend and father figure, Bobby Singer, summoned me to. When I entered, they naturally did the first thing I expected them to do: attack with everything they had. I was shot, stabbed, and nearly hit across the head with a crowbar until I finally subdued Bobby and got Dean to calm down enough to talk to me.

My first up close look at the human made everything I had heard of him and what I had seen in his soul when I raised it finally click. On the exterior he was a rough sort of beautiful. Striking green eyes stood out against his well-tanned skin and light coffee-colored hair. He was muscled and rather tall, taller than my vessel at least. Through his eyes I got a glimpse of the soul I had rescued: strong, selfless, protective, and at the same time… scared, confused, and self-depreciating. He was the one who took care of his loved ones, expecting nothing in return. It was his job. I could finally see how special he was. I knew why he was picked for such a difficult role.

I told him I was an angel and that my name was Castiel; I was the one who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. At first he did not believe me; his faith was very weak. To assure him I was truthful, I gave him a glimpse of my wings. Very few humans have seen my wings, but I believe it was fitting for him to see them, especially with the bond we have now.

Of course he immediately blamed me for the blinding of the psychic Pamela, and I tried to explain how I had warned her. I also told him how he had heard my true voice. He wasn't too happy about that. I informed him of my vessel, yet he was still angered and doubted my motives for rescuing him. He didn't think he deserved to be saved. I finally told him what I was sent to tell: that God commanded he be raised, because we had work for him.


	2. Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean

The next day, after I had left, I heard Dean and his brother Sam arguing, or rather loudly discussing my raising Dean from hell. Dean still did not believe I was an angel: as I said before, his Faith was very weak. I admit I wasn't ordered to listen in, but I was very interested in the eldest Winchester. He did not believe he was rescued for righteous purposes. I don't think he believed my Father cared enough to save him. He thought he didn't deserve it.

It was at this point I was called back to heaven. I was needed to assist by brethren in preventing the breaking of the seals. Little did I know, the Winchesters were about to witness one of the first seals of the Apocalypse.

When I returned to watch over Dean, nearly two dozen hunters had been killed and the Winchesters and their friend Bobby had fought off all the ghosts of people they had failed to save and put them back to rest. They had experienced first-hand one of the mandatory seals: the Rise of the Witnesses.

I decided to speak to Dean for the second time since he had been Raised. I chose to visit his dream for the proper privacy. He was upset that I did nothing to help them with the Witnesses. I regretted not being there, but it had shown me how brave and willing to fight the boys were. It only assured me of their ability to handle the Apocalypse. I tried to explain that angels were warriors of the Lord: soldiers. At the same time, I wouldn't be there to fight every battle for them, as I had responsibilities of my own. I confess, I was a bit harsh to Dean, but I was only trying to cover up the fact that I _had_ been 'perched on his shoulder' a little. I was beginning to care a lot for this human.

Dean still had little Faith in my Father. It was then that I was beginning to doubt him myself. Not only were the humans suffering, but the other angels and I had our hands full fighting off the Apocalypse and he had done little to nothing to help us. At the same time, I remained loyal to my Father; I was still a good little soldier.

I explained to Dean the 66 seals of the Apocalypse and how the Rise of the Witnesses had been one broken by Lilith. She was trying to set Lucifer free. The angels, myself included, were walking on the earth again for the first time in 2,000 years to do all we could to prevent this. I was only returned with sarcasm and hostility from the elder Winchester. He was beginning to anger me, no matter how much I cared for him. Six of my brothers died and he was angry that I hadn't been there to help them fight off the Witnesses: a job they were completely capable of on their own. I nearly snapped on him, even made a petty threat of throwing him back into the pits of hell. I knew I could never do it, but it was just my way of forcing a little respect out of him.


End file.
